Having a nervous mind usually leaves me questioning every decision I make, including this one. I have a hard time settling on a commitment in fear of missing out of my perfect path. In other words, I have an obsession with trying to figure out what will be best for me. At this moment, Global Citizen Year seemed right, but I still had my doubts. As soon as I landed into San Francisco, fear sprung into my mind if I had made the right decision. Sometimes this fear can be intense enough to be described as a sense of doom (the feeling that you can’t escape the path to an unforgiving end). The challenges I knew I was going to face became real and I began to question my decision. I was scared that I wouldn’t find the right people, I was scared of being alone in country, I was scared of my own abilities, I was scared because I realized I finally left the nest and now I was in this on my own. This wasn’t a summer camp (although it sort of feels like it right now), this was real life and if I made the wrong decision, I would need to live with it for 8 months. I won’t lie, this feeling consumed me the first two days upon arrival to SFO and I still feel it sometimes.
But this is what I think to myself. This is why I know I’m meant to be here. Everytime I tell myself these reasons I light a fire of excitement inside myself and know that everything will be okay.
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I want to become a stronger person
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I want to learn about the world, because if I don’t, I will live forever in ignorance.
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I want lifelong friends who share a common interest in the world
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I want confidence
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I want to be okay with being uncomfortable
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I want to feel like I’ve made an impact
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I want fluency in spanish
