Starting again

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard about mercury retrograde but after this summer I definitely believe in it. As Wikipedia shortly explains, it is a period of time in which (haha srsly I don’t remember the scientific reason – I am an artsy person, haha) everything related to communications and technology just collapses and stops working. As you might imagine, in countries such as Venezuela everything is a bureaucratic process and of course, a corrupted one. So imagine we add the mercury retrograde to the difficulty box, I just wanted to die! I had the most stressful time trying to get the documentation necessary for the Brazilian visa. Luckily, I got my visa 2 days before my flight. – takes a deep breath – I think I didn’t sleep properly until I had my passport with the stamped visa on my hand. Don’t worry, this high – strung preoccupation is a family heritage that I am used to having.

So here I am on the airplane on my way to San Francisco for Global Citizen Launch. I still have 9 more hours to go before landing. I think this is the largest flight I’ve had without flight connections. 12 hours. 12 hours without internet. That’s a lot of time to think.

Back in 2016 around this time I left home for the first time: Venezuela.

In May I left my home again: Norway.

Now I was leaving once again to what would be my new home for the next 8 months: Brazil. But this time there was something different: I didn’t cry. Even though I miss both of my homes I think I am ready now to start a new adventure. It’s kinda funny because I still don’t know what my apprenticeship will be nor where or with who I am gonna live.

I like the idea of not knowing for once. That’s why I don’t have many expectations. And I like that.

I think my thoughts are often annoyed by too many expectations and, I won’t lie to you: I still have them.

Here we go.

I want to have a GREAT relationship with my family, I need to offload those extra hugs and laughs with family <3 (don’t worry blood family and by-decision family I still have many saved for you, hopefully I’ll see you soon)

I want to detach myself from technology for a while. I really missed nature during these 3 months (I hope I can use my hammock, thank you again Tonjeeee <3)

I want to eat good food and most importantly, I want to learn how to cook it so I can make something more than arepas!! I should have learned from my mom when I had her close. (I will not regret this time).

I want to learn how to dance Brazilian traditional dances. It’s the best cardio, therapy, and way or releasing serotonin (which makes you happy). I swear.

I want to meditate. Maybe through meditation, I might find my own medicine, my own self, so in moments in which I know I don’t have the power to control situations that go out of my hands, I remain myself calm.

I want to NOT think about the future for a while and just live the moment

(ofc it’s not that easy but you know, I’ll try)

I am writing down these couple of things so in that way I can compare my expectations (when I arrived) to the experience I actually had when I leave Brazil. 8 months sound like an eternity, therefore it’s difficult to believe that I will leave, yet it’s scary. But I am more thrilled than scared, so that’s good.

Once again, I thanks Davis Shelby, my mom, my dad, UWC Venezuela (Avemundo), my aunt Andrés because they believed in me and trusted me. Also, I thank everybody who donated or helped one way or another. You have no idea of how important this is to me. I’ll keep you updated on how it goes! This is my first time writing a blog so please comment If you have any advice on how I can improve storytelling/sharing!

About Pamela Martinez