Unanswered Questions

It was only two months ago where my high school career ended, and I thought,

Ecuador is just around the corner!

But reality wasn’t so easy with me.

First, I had to get over the stress that I was leaving home and friends for a solid 8 months to go to a foreign country where I didn’t know the culture, language, or anything for that matter other than where the country was located. Then came the fundraising anxiety where I didn’t know if people cared enough to donate some of their funds to me. I mean, I wondered if I have ever helped someone when she was caught in a situation where she had to nervously ask for donations from her own peers. Lastly came the fear of the question of what am I doing with my life?

That wasn’t the only question lingering in my head, of course. There were at least 1 million others that I wanted someone to answer just so I would know what to expect out of this and what not. I wanted someone to guide me, to hold my hand, but that was where reality and fantasy collided.

Even though I knew there were people I could ask these questions to, I have decided to hold it in and ask it at the end of the trip if, and only if, I was still feeling queasy about it.

As I packed my belongings and emotions into a duffel bag, everything swirled in my mind. Phrases, questions, words in both English and Spanish clouded my thoughts.

I guess wondering about things only raises questions, but those questions are left unanswered. This new experience is for me to discover and not for others to guide me about.

I can only wait for the successes and failures from this journey with Global Citizen Year to help me carve my own path and to learn to answer my own unanswered questions.